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Keanu Pfister
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*Name..Keanu
Farkus Pfister (which roughly translates to ‘Cool breeze between the
cheeks’)
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Elvin Chad & Frantique
Rotalacta
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*Name..
.Elvin Aaron
Chad * Age.. 30 *Weight-..43 kgs *Marital status .. Free,gay and happy *Brothers and sisters.. .2 of each,Cliff,Herman,Mitsy and Bambi *Employment..Brassiere salesman *Hobbies..Making life-size sculptures of Paul McCartney out of my belly button lint *Ambition..To be involved in,or the cause of James McCartney's next accident *4 people you'd like to invite to dinner..Keanu Reeves,Camilla Parker Bowles,Fat Cat and Frantique Rotalacta *Favorite TV show..The Partridge family (Ruben Kinkade had a huge influence on my life) *Claim to fame..I was named after Elvin the cat who had a bit part in the movie 'A Hard Days Night'. Elvin was the cat being stroked by the lady in the train scene (look for Elvin's name in the credits) *Favorite food..Leg of TVP *Favorite drink..Scotch and coke,with a dash of Coca-Cola thrown in as well. |
*Name..Frantique
Monica Delores Jemima Rotalacta *Age..87 (According to carbon dating) *Height..5' 1" (Same as my dance instructor Iggy Pop) *Weight..23 stone(s) *Siblings..3 brothers,Eva,Zsa Zsa and Miriam *Marital status..Semi-detached *Employment..Mortician/Beautician *Favorite Beatle..Jimmy Nichol. *Favorite Beatle song..'Piggies',being a country girl the sound of pigs a-hollerin' and a-squealin' brings a tear to my glass eye *Favorite group or artist other than The Beatles..'The gay limburger accordion group' *Favorite hobby..Sending chain letters to my 92 other personalities..one of which is an Electrolux vacuum cleaner .*Favorite food..Anything furry I can graze off the floor of the movie theatre *Favorite Drink..A cocktail perfected in the laboratories of the 'Rotalacta centre for the study of alcohol mismanagement' called 'The Blue Flamer' (equal shots of Stoli,Summer wine,Cream Cheese,Lighter fluid,a snifter of Goats Milk and a subtle dash of Midori) have the matches ready for this one girls,a sure fire stocking scorcher! |
Hitachi Francis
*Name..Hitachi
Francis
*Height..5’ 8” with my brace and calipers on.
*Job at ATU..I work in the press office. Having
spent the last seven years working as Geoff Baker's right
hand man at MPL I thought it was time I branched out on my own to spread rumours
of my own.
*Favorite Beatle hobby..Collecting every label
variation of every piece of vinyl ever released by The Beatles
or anyone they ever knew,worked with,or heard of. It’s a tiresome task,but
someone has to do it don’t they?
*Favorite Beatle song..’I Will'. I love the bass
tone on this tune. This shows what devotion Paul has for his art.
Not many people know but Macca actually allowed the engineers to feed a Neuman
bass mike down his
esophagus into his left lung to get that extra punchy resonance. What a guy!
*Day Job..I work in the hospitality industry
.I am head supervisor in the pan room at the Princess Margaret
hospital at Yowie bay.
*Favorite scent..Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm,well the scent
of a beautiful woman's freshly washed and sundried
hair cascading across her shoulder is nice,however if forced to choose..I
couldn’t go past the heady aromatic
delights of a damp Ugg boot that’s been left to mature in the laundry.
*Favorite drink..GI and vodka,known in the biz
as a ‘Seasick Russian’
Doris Codwad
*Name..Doris
Codwad
Marital status..Married to my job
*Reason that you became a Beatle fan..You know
that scene where Paul is climbing up the Army tank in ‘Help’,
where he is wearing those skin tight beige pants? Well that’s not it,actually
it was their lovely rendition of
Sie Lieb Dich, just their sheer bravery at trying to accommodate the difficult
German tongue was enough for me.
*Favorite food..Battered jellyfish in a light
hollandaise sauce
*4 people you would like to invite to dinner..John
Laws (providing he does a poetry reading after dinner)
Bernard King, Leonardo di Caprio and Ethel Chop.
*Job at ATU..I’m one of the features writers
as well as researchers. Several of my stories have been put up
for Pulitzer literature prize awards including my expose on Paul McCartney's
habit of recycling his wardrobe and fashions over several decades!
*Claim to fame..I studied at the ‘Rotalacta Institute
for Genetic Modifications to those suffering Moperatic episodes and deviancies'.
I had the honour of being under the personal tutelage of Ms Rotalacta her
very self….in fact it was Miss Rotalacta who encouraged and guided me through
my thesis on the correlation between pubic merkin lice
and the failure to be able to flatulate on demand.
Dottie Fernblatt
Name..Dottie
Fernblatt
*Age..25 (are we talking years,months,decades
or what?)
*Favorite Beatle..Billy Preston
*Favorite group other than The Beatles..Mary
Schnieder. I have every one of her yodelling albums,one of
which is autographed and is in my display cabinet right next to my Pete Best
autograph.
Job at ATU..I’m Ms Rotalacta’s ‘Girl Friday’,which
basically means every Friday I come into the offices of
ATU and Ms Rotalacta’s whims (and whips) are my command,also if and when Miffy
the office dog gets a bit dry
I help out licking stamps and envelopes.
Quirks?..I wear a gas mask to bed….personally
I wouldn’t call this a quirk,however the Geelong sling backs
AFL B grade team all seemed a bit bemused by it..hey ‘different horses for
different courses’
Tristram Sleestack
*Name..Dudley
Tristram Sleestack
*Job at ATU..I’m the one who bends all the strait
little bits of wire into the shape of staples,then I push them through each
issue to hold the pages together
*Age..16 in dog years
*Height..6’ 9 ½ in sensible court heels
*Weight..40,735 grams
*Marital status..Divorced (for the 9th time)
*Brothers and Sisters..None who will own up.
*Favorite Beatle hobby..Collecting photographs
of the Beatles in various stages of undress,I also make
abstract butter sculptures by interpreting the lyrics from songs off ‘Ringo
the 4th’ and ‘Bad boy’ albums.
*Favorite Beatle quotes - GEORGE:
‘There never was a time when we didn’t exist and there wont be a time
RINGO: ‘I hate gardening!’ ,
PAUL: ‘And then John would say..”It couldn’t get much worse!”
JOHN: ‘Hugh!!,put your @#$%ing headphones on!’
*Ambition..To own a string of hair removal salons
*Favorite movie..’Little Malcolm and his struggle
against the eunuchs’ (I had a small part in this movie)
*Favorite food & Drink ....Fresh fruit from
Tony’s in Jamaica and Tia Maria,Baileys and Cointreau .
Zac Fishflaw
& Miffy (ATU's thrill seeker mascot dog)
*Name..Zac
Fishflaw (and Miffy ATU’s thrill seeker mascot dog)
*Job at ATU..On mail out day I race Miffy around
the soccer oval fifteen times,by then she’s foaming at the mouth so we take
her inside where I wipe the stamps over her tongue before sticking them on
the envelopes.
*Colour of eyes..Magenta,though Miffy’s are always
changing. She likes coloured contact lenses to suit her moods,nothing too
luminous whilst she’s out butt sniffing though.
*Employment..Freelance sausage balloon twister
and artiste’, my greatest ‘twister balloon’ triumph came
when I recreated the entire ‘Good morning, Good morning’ dance sequence from
the movie “Singing in the Rain”,complete with a balloon-esque Debbie Reynolds.
Favorite movie..101 Dalmatians. It just cracks
me up to watch Miffy race up to the screen and try to sniff it
every time those cartoon dogs appear.
*Favorite Beatle..Billy Preston
*Favorite shoe style of Pauls..Birkinstocks,I
can say no more.
Herr Lipp
*Name..Herr
Lipp
*Job at ATU..Not really sure. Herr Lipp turned
up one day at the ATU office and asked for a glass of water.
Herr Lipp was lucky to be on hand and rescued Frantique from the paper shredding
machine after her bottom
became trapped in it….we somehow felt indebted to keep him on, though don’t
worry..none of your ATU
subscription money goes towards his salary. Herr Lipps tenure at ATU is gratefully
funded by the federal government's ‘displaced moper’er’s and stylistically
challenged immigrants scheme’.
*The ATU annual office party 2001-12-12
Here is
a photograph of some of your staff members ‘Going off’ at our 2001 ‘Look Sharp’
office party,as you can see when we party,
we PAR-TAY!!.
